Wednesday, April 23, 2014

what I wish I knew

I had so many regrets with Joey. There were so many things I wanted to do with him that I didn't get to or was unable to. This lead to a lot of guilt. I thought that maybe if I had only tried harder.... It would be far too tempting to fall back into the "guilt" way of thinking. Above all, my one biggest regrets is not enjoying it. I worried too much. The goal is a healthy baby. I had one and I kept thinking, "But I could make it better". Pumping took so much time away from Joey. Yes, I was doing it for him, but it made me crazy stressed. The more stressed I was, the less time I took to just enjoy him. I'll never get that time back. Switching to formula made me feel like a failure as a mother but gave me more time to spend with my newborn and less time to worry. I was able to relax knowing I didn't have to go pump right away or wonder how I would get it done.

Joe one day lectured/enlightened me that I should be thankful for formula. He's right! I'm grateful that formula is so safe and healthy and that my son is a happy, healthy, and a smart boy thanks to it. I mean, what would have happened to my JoBean if I hadn't had it?

I never ever thought this before but I miss sleeping with him. I miss him cuddled up next to me and keeping me warm and I could smell his head all the time. I miss those snuggles. And he's far too busy to sit and do it now. And he's so big (and I'm so big!) he can't get comfortable on me. He's likely to roll right out of bed or off the couch (He's a wild child when he sleeps, just like his mama)! I should have enjoyed that time more.

Now with this baby, and I say it's my last, I am going to try and enjoy every snuggle and every quiet moment. I'm so scared and nervous to attempt breastfeeding again but I know that if it's not working, it's okay to go to formula. It's more important to enjoy and love on my baby then stress over nipple shields and pumping schedules and washing equipment and all those other things that consumed me. 

I can't wait to meet you little one and have you complete our little family. Be safe and keep on developing in there, kiddo, and I will do my best to cook you up and meet you face to face in a few months! 

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Oh yes

When you are in the midst of bottles and binkies and spit up and tantrums and sleepless nights – do not let the enemy whisper in your ear – “this is too much.”  Lean on Jesus and thank God for giving you SO much! 

--Courtney Joseph,