Sunday, June 5, 2016


My mom always said that even though Maggie was a surprise, she was the easiest baby and just fell into place in our family. She thought the transition from 1-2 kids was the hardest. I, on the other hand, definitely think the transition from zero to one was way harder. Joey was colicky and I thought I knew what I was getting into but in reality, I had no FREAKING idea. Even though I could sleep when he slept and snuggle all day long, I was way less tired and exhausted with John than I was with Joey. John had a few things going for him though, he slept, he didn't mind being put down every once in a while, and he nursed. Joey did NONE of those things. We already developed a routine and John fell right into it. 

So what would happen if we had another? How would that transition go? Easy baby, difficult baby? Would it matter? I'm so much more confident, knowledgeable, and relaxed, would it even matter?

I've gotten used to being "alone" and I feel like I've sort of developed my "rhythm of motherhood" so to speak. I know what's easier for me to handle and what makes life harder. 

I've never been happier or more content or fulfilled in my whole life but yet I all he sudden don't feel "done" or feel like my family is whole. I question that thought and those feelings all the time and wonder if we should consider adding to our family.

Having John was a no brainer. We wanted two kids close together so we both agreed very early on that as soon as Joey turned one, we'd start trying for another. It didn't really matter how I was feeling about being a mom at that point, I knew I wanted a close sibling. Now John is older and sleeping and more independent so it feels like this could be the right time. Siblings would still be close in age and I would be a little more situated adding another kiddo. What would happen if I got sick again though? What if it was worse this time around? What if I end of hospitalized and needing a picc or it doesn't get better at 15 weeks? 

Haha none of this even matters though. Everything is out of my control and I'm not guaranteed another breath on this planet let alone another pregnancy or baby or my idea of a "perfect family".  

Thy will be done, Lord. Show me the way to your heart. Help me follow your commands for my life. And let your glory shine through my life. 

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